5 Things That Made Me LOL

For the past few months, I've laughed as much as possible each day. No matter what else goes on regarding money, relationships, or any other challenges I run into, I've been blessed with a great sense of humor and three comedians that happen to live in my house. Sometimes the fun comes from outside forces, but even then, I know I can go home and share it with people who appreciate what really matters- the crazy joy of the belly laugh.

When you're looking for something, it shows up everywhere:

1. I woke early on Sunday morning, surprised that the school year had already taken effect and that sleeping in past 7:30am would be an impossibility, even on the weekend. I stumbled down the hall, looking for other creatures of habit, awake and restless with boredom. I found no signs of life, but I did find a sign:
 

2.We went to the supermarket with a $20 budget for dinner. Max and Bella decided to share frozen chicken tenders, my oldest daughter, Ali, chose a California Pizza Kitchen cheese pie, and I got a bunch of vegetables to saute for myself. After scarfing down the pizza at 4:30pm, Ali stood close to my shoulder, watching me chop the veggies and chattering away at me.

When I was ready to eat, she asked, "Can I take some vegetables?"
I said, "No, you decided on frozen pizza and you watched me prepare everything without offering to help at all."

Fifteen minutes later, she asked again and got the same response. Ali paused, and then said, "Mom, you're my least favorite because you won't give me vegetables." My fourteen year old son was walking by the kitchen and added, "Said no kid ever."


3. In our house there is the athlete (youngest daughter), the artist (middle son), and the drama queen (oldest daughter). As you can imagine, the oldest is one of those people who is completely over the top. It could be the fact that she's a Scorpio, but I'm betting on it being because she's a teenager who is really into drama. The theater kind. On stage.

She and my son are pretty close. They chose lockers at school near each other and hit the deli up in the morning for breakfast. Word on the street is that my freshman even has a date for the senior prom, one of her friends. I'm pretty happy with the fact that Ali is not embarrassed to hang out with her younger sibling.

Max left this pic off of ASK FM

As I type, they are cooking dinner for themselves and rapping Lip Gloss by 'Lil Mama, when Ali suddenly gets serious.

Ali: "Max are you going to join the Musical?"
Max: "No."
Ali: "Why not? It'll be fun. And I'll be doing it with you."
Max: "I don't want to."
Ali: (Holding him by his shirt collar, gritting her teeth, and growling): "If you don't join the Musical, I will wait until we're older, sneak into your house, and kill your firstborn."

Intense much?


4. Bella's superpower is getting other people to do for her what she should do for herself. I've caught myself getting sucked in from time to time, but as part of my 2013 New Year's Resolutions, I vowed to build up an immunity to her powers of persuasion. That and I think that my contract for cleaning ear wax was up in 2007.

After scarfing down an apple and twenty pizza rolls, my very active eighth grader was still hungry. She asked me to warm up some leftover egg noodles for her, but I stayed strong...and I was busy. She pouted and asked me again.

This time I was annoyed that she was throwing her baby face around. "No Belle. And stop asking me. Do it yourself."

She never got up from the couch (where no doubt Sam and Cat were holding her hostage and keeping her from warming up her own food) but made eye contact with Ali, who was across from her on the other couch, watching the exchange.

With a straight face Bella said, "Ya know, the help is here is sooo bad."


5. This morning, Max and I were getting ready together. He just got a haircut which means that he's obsessed with the mirror, probably because some anonymous peeps posted that he's "hot" on some new social kid zone thing called ASK FM, after he uploaded some selfies.

We were sharing the mirror in the bathroom because it is large enough to accommodate me putting on make up, but not him spraying hairspray that had nowhere to go but in my mouth. After I stopped choking and was able to breathe again, I tried to reason with him.

Me: "Max, that's a lot of hairspray you're using there. You don't have long hair like the girls. You shouldn't have to use that much."
Max: "Mom, If I don't use enough, then my hair just falls."
Me: "I'm convinced that you are contributing to the destruction of the ozone layer and climate change. The next time a Hurricane Sandy-type storm hits, and thousands of people are without homes and power again, I'm pointing a finger..."
Max (defensively): "Well I wouldn't use it like that if my hair wasn't all like, 'Style me', and I wasn't all like, 'OK'".

Click here to read 5 MORE THINGS THAT MADE ME LOL:
  http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2014/12/5-more-things-that-made-me-lol.html

CF Winn is the award-winning author of The COFFEE BREAK SERIES, a quirky group of short stories meant to be read while on break or in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. Her first novella, SUKI, has been grabbing hearts and hugging souls all over the United States. 

You can now order SUKI in paperback at http://hopress-shorehousebooks.com/cf-winn/  or at BOOK REVUE, one of the nation’s largest independent bookstores, by email at info@bookrevue.com Learn more about SUKI at BOOK REVUE.  

Her blogs have been syndicated on multiple sites including The Masquerade Crew. More posts like these can be found at Humor Outcasts and The Patch where she is a regular contributor.  

FOLLOW me on Twitter, Facebook, Google +, and CF_Winn on Instagram.

MAKE YOUR LIFE COUNT

So many are in an uproar over the Mayan calendar. There's multiple discussions about the world ending, but in reality, their civilization disappeared before Mr. Acan could print up the new calendar. Maybe the next one would have depicted maize and salt in various poses...but who knows? It's just another mystery for us to ponder about that culture.

The point is, that just as our calendar ends on December 31st in anticipation of renewal, filled with second chances for a better life, so does theirs...at least that's what I think. My guess is that they just didn't stick around long enough to see how the world has evolved, or publish the next date-keeper for their version of a fridge.

There are a bunch of like minded people who believe that December 21,2012 will bring about a time of change. It appears we are certainly warming up for it, but it is up to us about whether or not it will be a turn for the better or worse.

Hurricane Sandy was the opening act, followed closely by the Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy. 
Both events were devastating to many, and caught so much attention that they rippled out to the entire country, affecting millions of people.

The talk about both is basically the same...BLAME. Blame God, guns, LIPA, global warming, etc. Two violent acts befall us, and we inject anger and fear into the mix. 

But, there has also been much kindness. Prayers have been offered, financial, practical and spiritual donations have been passed out by the truckful...however, it concerns me when I realize which voice has been the loudest. Some of the same people who have been generous have also been almost eaten alive by anger and fear. 

I just released a book that talks about being grateful for what you have everyday because it can all be taken away in an instant. Our reaction to tough times can either destroy us, our loved ones, and our lives, OR we can grieve it, and grow from it. Unfortunately, my story was only recently released and hadn't had a chance to gain real momentum. I originally wrote it in order to make sense of my own experiences, but eventually made it public, hoping that many could benefit from its message.

For those not directly affected by these tragedies, the biggest thing we can do is to look to be of service rather than trying to place blame or become angry. God or no God, good or evil, we are on this planet with the capacity to love...and that changes EVERYTHING.

Sometimes a lesson learned is not always obvious because the situation seems so horrific. Think about the shooter in Newtown for instance. He might have taught us something. Maybe the lesson is...the way you treat someone ripples out and has an affect on MANY because in reality we are all connected. We are all one. His pain became the children's pain, which became their families' pain, which is now our pain...look at how much we talk about the pain. All of the souls lost were incredibly brave for coming here and blessing us for such a short time...because the opposite is also true if we are all connected...the joy they felt and brought their parents, rippled out in the form of kindness, good moods, generosity, etc...and that also affects the rest of the world... 

The lives that were lost are at peace. The turmoil is over for them and now they are watching us. They were heroes. What will they see when they look down on the Earth?

My advice: Turn your attention on the joy and celebrate the big and little heroes who have brought the focus back to what is really in our hearts...LOVE. If we didn't LOVE, we wouldn't grieve so much for them and what their families are going through. They have woken up others who have been sleepwalking through their lives, and for that I say Thank You.

Do not hug your children tightly just because this happened in Newtown...hug them tightly EVERY DAY. Do not start talking to your neighbor just because you are helping him rebuild after Hurricane Sandy, and then forget he ever existed. Show each other kindness EVERY DAY. Be happy that the people you know and love are here to spend time with you right now and create joy EVERY DAY....then, if it is taken away, there will be no regrets...only happy memories. A wise woman named Amanda said, "It's where YOUR heart ends up that is most important."
.
 I am reminded of something someone told me once... a mother of a friend of mine was in the hospital watching her son die. She wanted to donate his organs, but there wasn't much left of him to donate. The mother was grief stricken, but clear enough in her higher self to say, "Find something. Do your best and find something you can use for someone else. MAKE HIS DEATH COUNT." 

Do something kind in the name of the victims of either disaster and document it in the comments section of this blog. Type in what you did and who you did it for. It doesn't have to be a big organized event; sometimes a smile or a "hello" can mean everything. Use the names of the victims (living or deceased) if you can. If you follow my advice and change your mind set, then for those who died, their deaths WILL COUNT, and for those who are still with us, but are trying to rebuild, their lives will count now while they are here.

As for me, I will be giving $1 from every copy of the book I just released, SUKI, (sold in December, January, and February) to either The Hurricane Sandy Relief Fund or to The Newtown Memorial Fund...the buyer's choice. When you order from the website:
 readsuki.com  
and you check out, just specify where you would like the money to go to in the buyers instructions box. 
For those of you who buy it locally at THE SPOON on Wellwood Ave in Lindenhurst, NY, please leave a note with management, and they will get it to me.

Think about how you want to spend the rest of your time here, whether it's the next two days or two hundred years...I'm going to bet you'd like to look back on a life spent being joyful and loving...even through the tough times...especially then.
 

THE DIVINE FINGER IS POINTED...AT YOU!

Many of our neighborhoods here on the East Coast have been damaged, and in some cases, destroyed by Hurricane Sandy. It's all that anyone can talk about.

The conversations range from extremes like, "My home is no longer standing!" to "I can't watch the Catholic mass on TV because my cable is still out!"

While some may scoff at the lack of cable complaint, both are very real inconveniences to those victims. Both have been impacted by the storm, although in different ways, but their pain is exactly that...THEIR pain.

I am not a lover of cliches for two reasons:
1. In my opinion, OUR WORDS should be our OWN. We have voices, we were granted the gift of intelligence (hey, hey, no wise cracks...this is a time of coming TOGETHER), and we each have a UNIQUE perspective.
2. I have heard too many people use them as conversation filler without feeling the true meaning behind them.

How many of us have said, “everything happens for a reason" and have fully understood why? In extreme cases, like this Frankenstorm, have you stopped to ponder that?

Is it so that our community can come together in the way it has in order to remind individuals of what is really important?

Is it so that those with houses that were decaying and filled with health issues could rebuild and possibly start a chain of events that could change their lives?

In the case of the Catholic quoted above, is it so that shut- ins like that are forced back out into society to do things like experience mass in person and live fuller, happier existences?

A few years ago, I put in a new floor on the lower level of my house. About a week after, I had my first flood in ten years. It destroyed the wood. I was out of money, and the insurance company could not help. I didn't worry about it because it was useless to worry. I let it go and knew that I would figure something out eventually.
Two weeks later, my water heater burst and the floor was drenched again. The buckling was much, much worse this time.

My neighbor came over to look, and I'll never forget what he said: "You have the worst luck. First you have a flood and now your water heater is busted. What else is going to happen to you?"

I stood in front of him and laughed and laughed and laughed.

He looked at me like I was crazy.

I said, "Are you kidding me?! I have the BEST luck ever! The insurance company WILL cover my water heater and all of the damage that resulted. Look at this floor and the walls. A team of experts is coming to dry out the place (they took extra care and went above and beyond because of my kid's allergies and asthma), I will get a new water heater for FREE now rather than later, and best of all, my floor will be replaced. Dude you are in the presence of God and you don't even know it!"

And that’s when I began to look for the meaning behind the moments of darkness that sometimes descend on us.

It took me two weeks to understand that a chain of events like that was necessary because ultimately, I needed a new drain for outside of my home. The previous owners had installed a cup the size of a drinking glass, and it had somehow miraculously worked out for me for ten years, but now I understood why all of THEIR things were on pallets when I had looked at the house originally. My new drain was deep and constructed properly and also FREE...and I've had no worries ever since, even in a storm like Sandy.

It may be months or years before the truth of the divine finger is revealed to some individuals, but if you stay open, you will see...

I have been planning to release my latest work, SUKI on the 17th of this month. The storm had kind of overshadowed my big news, but the more I have been thinking about it, the more I realize that this story is exactly what some may need to hear.
It is about a woman named Savannah who seems to have the perfect life…until the darkness creeps in…in fact it doesn’t creep in, it assaults her to the core…
Out of the drastically wrong turn(s) her reality has taken, she manages to make sense of it and find the light.

My desire is that someone who thinks that there is nothing of value left to hope for, reads SUKI and finds inspiration in the pages. There are others out there that are going through the same thing and worse…we need more role models like Savannah to come out of the woodwork and show us that we can go on to find the light…
Sometimes it’s just the Universe course correcting to keep us on the paths to our true purpose here.

Now if someone could explain to me the meaning of my busted “Y” button on my keyboard, I know I’D feel much better…

SUKI can be found at readsuki.com

Meanwhile on the East Coast:

I had some help with this. Thanks to my son Max for his comic genius contributions. He's a chip off the old block. Clearly this weather given us much free time...


Click on this link and let the music play while you read this post:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIio9xEmUUE



When she blows into the Jersey Shore , Snooki’s bump looks like anthill

Wintery blasts in the west have requested a rendezvous with her

When she breaks wind, the East Coast evacuates

Her eye can see the future

Everyone’s like Water! Batteries! And she’s like um…..no

Even the Most Interesting Man in the world is intrigued by her.

*wind blows* She is….the biggest storm in the world.

Hurricane Sandy: I don’t always blow down houses…oh wait…I do…Stay inside my friends


 CF Winn is the award-winning author of The COFFEE BREAK SERIES, a hilarious group of short stories meant to be read while on break or in the waiting room of the doctor's office. Her first novella, SUKI, has been grabbing hearts and hugging souls all over the United States.

You can now order SUKI in paperback at BOOK REVUE, one of the nation’s largest independent bookstores, by email at info@bookrevue.com or by calling (631) 271-1442.
Learn more about SUKI at BOOK REVUE http://www.bookrevue.com/localauthors.html