5 MORE Things That Made Me LOL

The other day I drove to Pennsylvania to pick my daughter up from school. It's Winter Break for college students and we're excited to have her home for Christmas. My two younger kids were supposed to be sleeping because the next morning they'd have school, but as soon as Ali got in the car, the drive back to NY became a party. DJ Bella took requests and we turned up the music because Neil Diamond would be drowned out during the chorus of Sweet Caroline if we didn't.

I smiled, laughed, and sang, partly because I would be voted off of the island if I didn't, but also because as happy as I am to see my daughter becoming a wonderful adult, when we get together, all is right. We bicker and say horrible things to each other at times, but the moral of this story is that no matter how snarky we can be, our comedy troupe is alive and well and slinging jokes like a starving man in a vat full of Nutella.

The jokes just keep coming, even when we're not necessarily trying to be funny:

1. I leave a magnetic pad on the fridge so that when we run out of something or someone gets a craving, we can make a list of items that I will not forget to pick up at the grocery store. This system works well, but sometimes the list gets hijacked:

In his defense, Max was just trying to helpful. I haven't been feeling well and he keeps telling me to get some swag. He insists that excessive swag is the only thing that will cure illnesses and completely eradicate Ebola.

2. My little cousin Aidan is adorable and my kids love to play with him, but most of the time, Aidan only has eyes for Bella. Ali gets so frustrated and from time to time she grabs him up, keeping him from Bella while she hugs him tight. He squirms and tries to get away, but Ali runs from her sister with the two year old in her arms and shrieks manically, "Look Aidan, if you squinch your eyes, I look just like her!"

3.  My son Max knows who he is and he has no problem parading it around so the rest of us can get to know him better. He is artistic, creative, and will do almost anything to get a laugh. Last summer, his group of friends decided to have a tea party. I am quite sure that my son has sampled almost every brand and flavor of hot and iced tea made in, imported to, and exported from the United States, so they had him at Max come over. He asked what he could bring and the hostess told him to just bring himself. So he did - wearing one his sisters' sundresses - because what else should you wear to a tea party?

4.  Recently, Blaze Pizza opened a new restaurant by my house. 

They were offering free pies the first night, so Bella, Ali, and I and about a thousand people from the town went to stand on the long line and wait for food. Bella is not a fan of lines and what made it worse was that the family in front of us kept cursing at each other - who knew a three year old could drop the F Bomb so articulately? - and the people behind us were space invaders - as in, our space was their space too.

Bella got very cranky very quickly and kept saying she wanted to leave. Ali, always the affectionate big sister, tried her best to distract her and cheer her up, but Bella wasn't having it and pushed her away. Finally, after several failed attempts and a "Shut the hell up!" from the mom to the son in front of us, Bella snapped and yelled at me with the nastiest straight face ever, "Mom, she's being so mean! She won't stop smiling at me! Punish her!"

5.  I just watched the video of Angelina Jolie talking about having chicken pox. She looks healthier than I do right now, so I complained to Ali.

Me: "What is this? I don't see one pock on her! When I had it, I looked like a monster!"
Ali (calmly): "Mom, It's Angelina Jolie. Did you really expect her to look sick?"
Me: "Um, yes..."
Ali: "Mom you have to understand. She has people to have the chicken pox for her. Right now, her staff is itching and scratching so she doesn't have to."


  
Click here to read the first 5 THINGS THAT MADE LOL post:
http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2013/09/5-funny-things-that-made-me-lol-today.html
 

Photo Credits: Blaze Pizza Logo - Google Images
                        Angelina Jolie - Google Images

CF Winn is the award-winning author of The COFFEE BREAK SERIES, a quirky group of short stories meant to be read while on break or in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. Her first novella, SUKI, has been grabbing hearts and hugging souls all over the United States. 

You can now order SUKI in paperback at http://hopress-shorehousebooks.com/cf-winn/  or at BOOK REVUE, one of the nation’s largest independent bookstores, by email at info@bookrevue.com Learn more about SUKI at BOOK REVUE. 

CF Winn is the founder of Winning! Publications, a firm specializing in editing and promotion services for authors. Her latest project is the just released Trailer Trash, With a Girl’s Name, a hilarious and heartwarming story of a boy saddled with a girl’s name and forced into a nomadic existence. Order it now: http://www.amazon.com/Trailer-Trash-With-Girls-Name-ebook/dp/B00IX0MIAO 

Her blogs have been syndicated on multiple sites including The Masquerade Crew. More posts like these can be found at Humor Outcasts and The Patch where she is a regular contributor. 

FOLLOW me on Twitter, Facebook, Google +, and CF_Winn on Instagram.

NEVER TOO TIRED FOR HAPPY

Recently, I stumbled upon an interesting article: Can You Be Happy For 100 Days In A Row? At first I thought, Of course I can! What a ridiculous question! but then I read further. The phrase Every day submit a picture of what made you happy! jumped out and tackled me before I could navigate away. As the reality of the commitment the site was asking me to make sunk in, I realized that I couldn't even name one thing that made me happy in the past week. Except for sleep. Being able to shut off the stress of the day by simply closing my eyes made me downright ecstatic. I figured I'd better get on this stat.

I will be posting on my own site, in my own way. Sometimes I will share a picture, but other times it may be an anecdote or just a phrase. Every day, for at least 100 days, I will share something that made me happy - really happy.

This is my journey to happiness: 

DAY 4:

It was a long day, full of work and planning my daughter's graduation party. I was exhausted but not nearly finished with my TO DO list for tomorrow's festivities. My two younger kids, also beat, but always ready for a late night shopping spree, came with me to get ice. Just when I thought the day was going to end without anything happy to post, I found myself in front of Pathmark's freezer at 10pm with my crazy kids.

Bella pushes Max away from the freezer, eager to pick up the 8lb bags herself. She finds a lone ice cube that has escaped from one of the bags and hands it to Max. "Here. Hold this." 

Max does as he's told, grinning as he watches her. Just as Bella leans over to pick up the first bag, he quickly drops the ice down the back of her shirt. She yelps and looks at me, eyes wide.

There is nothing happier than the uncontrollable belly laugh. As I let it and the rest of my day go, Bella yells at me through breathless giggles, "But you're supposed to be the mother! Punish him!" She is almost drowned out by mine and Max's laughter, a sound that makes three other customers smile.

 

CF Winn is the award-winning author of The COFFEE BREAK SERIES, a quirky group of short stories meant to be read while on break or in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. Her first novella, SUKI, has been grabbing hearts and hugging souls all over the United States. 

You can now order SUKI in paperback at http://hopress-shorehousebooks.com/cf-winn/  or at BOOK REVUE, one of the nation’s largest independent bookstores, by email at info@bookrevue.com Learn more about SUKI at BOOK REVUE. 

CF Winn is the founder of Winning! Publications, a firm specializing in editing and promotion services for authors. Her latest project is the just released Trailer Trash, With a Girl’s Name, a hilarious and heartwarming story of a boy saddled with a girl’s name and forced into a nomadic existence. Order it now: http://www.amazon.com/Trailer-Trash-With-Girls-Name-ebook/dp/B00IX0MIAO 

 

 http://www.gofundme.com/577n90

5 Things That Made Me LOL

For the past few months, I've laughed as much as possible each day. No matter what else goes on regarding money, relationships, or any other challenges I run into, I've been blessed with a great sense of humor and three comedians that happen to live in my house. Sometimes the fun comes from outside forces, but even then, I know I can go home and share it with people who appreciate what really matters- the crazy joy of the belly laugh.

When you're looking for something, it shows up everywhere:

1. I woke early on Sunday morning, surprised that the school year had already taken effect and that sleeping in past 7:30am would be an impossibility, even on the weekend. I stumbled down the hall, looking for other creatures of habit, awake and restless with boredom. I found no signs of life, but I did find a sign:
 

2.We went to the supermarket with a $20 budget for dinner. Max and Bella decided to share frozen chicken tenders, my oldest daughter, Ali, chose a California Pizza Kitchen cheese pie, and I got a bunch of vegetables to saute for myself. After scarfing down the pizza at 4:30pm, Ali stood close to my shoulder, watching me chop the veggies and chattering away at me.

When I was ready to eat, she asked, "Can I take some vegetables?"
I said, "No, you decided on frozen pizza and you watched me prepare everything without offering to help at all."

Fifteen minutes later, she asked again and got the same response. Ali paused, and then said, "Mom, you're my least favorite because you won't give me vegetables." My fourteen year old son was walking by the kitchen and added, "Said no kid ever."


3. In our house there is the athlete (youngest daughter), the artist (middle son), and the drama queen (oldest daughter). As you can imagine, the oldest is one of those people who is completely over the top. It could be the fact that she's a Scorpio, but I'm betting on it being because she's a teenager who is really into drama. The theater kind. On stage.

She and my son are pretty close. They chose lockers at school near each other and hit the deli up in the morning for breakfast. Word on the street is that my freshman even has a date for the senior prom, one of her friends. I'm pretty happy with the fact that Ali is not embarrassed to hang out with her younger sibling.

Max left this pic off of ASK FM

As I type, they are cooking dinner for themselves and rapping Lip Gloss by 'Lil Mama, when Ali suddenly gets serious.

Ali: "Max are you going to join the Musical?"
Max: "No."
Ali: "Why not? It'll be fun. And I'll be doing it with you."
Max: "I don't want to."
Ali: (Holding him by his shirt collar, gritting her teeth, and growling): "If you don't join the Musical, I will wait until we're older, sneak into your house, and kill your firstborn."

Intense much?


4. Bella's superpower is getting other people to do for her what she should do for herself. I've caught myself getting sucked in from time to time, but as part of my 2013 New Year's Resolutions, I vowed to build up an immunity to her powers of persuasion. That and I think that my contract for cleaning ear wax was up in 2007.

After scarfing down an apple and twenty pizza rolls, my very active eighth grader was still hungry. She asked me to warm up some leftover egg noodles for her, but I stayed strong...and I was busy. She pouted and asked me again.

This time I was annoyed that she was throwing her baby face around. "No Belle. And stop asking me. Do it yourself."

She never got up from the couch (where no doubt Sam and Cat were holding her hostage and keeping her from warming up her own food) but made eye contact with Ali, who was across from her on the other couch, watching the exchange.

With a straight face Bella said, "Ya know, the help is here is sooo bad."


5. This morning, Max and I were getting ready together. He just got a haircut which means that he's obsessed with the mirror, probably because some anonymous peeps posted that he's "hot" on some new social kid zone thing called ASK FM, after he uploaded some selfies.

We were sharing the mirror in the bathroom because it is large enough to accommodate me putting on make up, but not him spraying hairspray that had nowhere to go but in my mouth. After I stopped choking and was able to breathe again, I tried to reason with him.

Me: "Max, that's a lot of hairspray you're using there. You don't have long hair like the girls. You shouldn't have to use that much."
Max: "Mom, If I don't use enough, then my hair just falls."
Me: "I'm convinced that you are contributing to the destruction of the ozone layer and climate change. The next time a Hurricane Sandy-type storm hits, and thousands of people are without homes and power again, I'm pointing a finger..."
Max (defensively): "Well I wouldn't use it like that if my hair wasn't all like, 'Style me', and I wasn't all like, 'OK'".

Click here to read 5 MORE THINGS THAT MADE ME LOL:
  http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2014/12/5-more-things-that-made-me-lol.html

CF Winn is the award-winning author of The COFFEE BREAK SERIES, a quirky group of short stories meant to be read while on break or in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. Her first novella, SUKI, has been grabbing hearts and hugging souls all over the United States. 

You can now order SUKI in paperback at http://hopress-shorehousebooks.com/cf-winn/  or at BOOK REVUE, one of the nation’s largest independent bookstores, by email at info@bookrevue.com Learn more about SUKI at BOOK REVUE.  

Her blogs have been syndicated on multiple sites including The Masquerade Crew. More posts like these can be found at Humor Outcasts and The Patch where she is a regular contributor.  

FOLLOW me on Twitter, Facebook, Google +, and CF_Winn on Instagram.