Raise Your GrAPPtitude

Life is unpredictable. 

It's about trial and error and it is laced with both good and bad chemistry. Living fully means testing boundaries—like the time you wanted to see if you could eat thirty White Castle burgers in five minutes. You cheered when you did it, but as Newton's Law states, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Unfortunately, your joy and the joy of those who encouraged you to do it was short lived. 

Caution: Some experiments may cause an explosion

I don't know everything, but there are three things I'm sure of:

1. Most people are addicted to their phones, computers, and/or social media
2. The loudest members of society are crazy oversensitive
3. Our level of gratitude is at an all time low—we complain about everything

If White Castle doesn't get us first...

We're going to stunt our own development, stall progress, and eventually kill each other, leaving the cockroaches to feast on all of the wine and fast food we've left behind.

CHEERS! *clink*

Train them while they're young.

Let's take the teen who is punished and has his phone taken away from him. Because we are of the mindset that everything should be done in real-time and with the least amount of clicks and keystrokes, the grieving process has changed slightly. This teen will not go through seven stages of grief. Instead, he will go through several abbreviated stages of grief.

1. Denial and Anger - "You can't do this to me! It's my phone! I won't be able to get up on time or do my homework! What? I have no idea how to set the alarm clock, and there is no way you are getting me to use a pencil!"

2. Bargaining - "If you give me another chance, I won't run away. But if you don't, I swear I'm going to take off. If I don't have my phone, then Netflix, X-Box, meals cooked by mom, my own personal chauffeur, and a warm bed with a roof over my head mean nothing to me anyway..."

3. Noisy, Angry Acceptance - "Fine. Don't give me my phone. You all hate me anyway. My life sucks and this family is totally dysfunctional, but fine. Nothing goes right for me, so why should this be any different?" *slams door to bedroom where he stays, isolated, and in a teen induced coma until the punishment is over*

You can't escape your demons

He learns to sleep away his problems, still unable to form a sentence without a hashtag or emoji to get his point across. His anger at how unfair the world is never dissipates, and after he gets his phone back, he spends the next twenty minutes Instagramming and Snap Chatting unhappy selfies—so his friends can really feel his pain. Black and white filters and skeleton face apps are minions who join him on his mission to spread negativity.

 I don't claim to have all of the answers.

But I do remember a time when gratitude was that feeling I got any time my brother hid the wooden spoon. Because of him, all disciplining would be postponed till my mom figured out where I stashed the belt. And that feeling of gratitude grew, because I knew that if she suspected either of us, we'd alibi for each other all day long. #FamilyBondingDoneOldSchool

No matter how we used to do it, I stand by my ability to ebb and flow with the times. I'm a problem solver. Plus, after a few drinks, some consider me creative.

One evening, I spiraled while I was surfing the internet. It was clear after reading just a few social media posts, that if negativity was a vaccine, no one would ever get sick again. Unfortunately, the reality is that negativity is a disease—a quick acting, contagious disease that spreads to the masses, like those viral videos of cats. Or people walking into glass doors.

My brain went right into grab that carafe and fix-it mode. Three cocktails later, I knew that GrAPPtitude was the answer.

It came to me when I realized that even though my insides were soaked with alcohol from at least three different countries, I was breathing, thinking, and typing away—I had no choice but to feel grateful because I was alive and functioning.

My kids were downstairs. My excitement was so overwhelming that I could barely hear their screams as they tortured one another.

I called out to them, "Stop licking each other's faces and shut the hell up! Mommy's working!" I was completely aware that the tingly feeling in my chest was not the vodka repeating on me. It was another round of appreciation. This time for my kids. They're such a blessing.

And out of miraculous epiphanies like these, GrAPPtitude was born. As I downed the last drop of liquid in my glass, I stopped myself from slipping into the abyss with everyone else. For I knew that eventually, one survivor would climb the stairs and appear. That child would be the one to get me a fresh bottle of booze and all would be right again.

In the zone

Lost in my positivity, I began to outline the terms of GrAPPtitude:

This app will use keywords to identify negative posts. Then your phone will physically shock you so that you stop typing. At that point, a message will be created, one that will be unique and appropriate to whatever you were trying to put out into the world.

For example:

You were going to complain publicly about no one liking your last Facebook post. Two words in, your phone reacts. After regaining feeling in your legs, Siri, or whatever you've named your phone voice yells:
"You feel ignored?! You want to talk about being ignored? Let's call your mother. I know you've forgotten her number, but I've got it right here!"

or

You start to tweet about how horrible your cramps are. You're sure that your first hashtag will be well received, but once you're able to bend your fingers again, the app screams:
"It's just your period! You think you know pain? That slipped disc in Aunt Jessie's back doesn't know what a day off is! Now click on the coupon for free chocolate and shut the hell up!"

Caution: Excessive Negativity Is Bad For Your Health

And so much more:

OMG it's Monday: "Are you complaining about having to put down the wine so you can go to the job that pays for your blackouts every weekend?"

I'm so broke. I never have money: "I'm sure that Netflix, your service provider, manicurist, and latte dealer will be very disappointed."

There are worse things than Starbucks taking the snowflakes off of their red holiday cups, or Christmas trees missing from the Santa backdrop at the mall.

When you consider what others gave up to give you the life you so freely complain about, stop to ponder where you'd be if George Washington had decided that he couldn't lead this nation because dentures really didn't reflect his brand. Or if he and his men felt it was only fair that they should be off on Christmas Day. And besides, it was just too cold to cross the Delaware River with no shoes on anyway....

#OMGICantFeelMyFeet

Tonight I will make a gratitude list before bed.

I'll make sure to include how grateful I am that I had three kids instead of only two. Someone's gotta get me the TV remote and paint my nails while the other two fix me something to eat....

CF Winn is the award-winning author of The COFFEE BREAK SERIES, a quirky group of short stories meant to be read while on break or in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. Her first novella, SUKI, has been grabbing hearts and hugging souls all over the United States.  The sequel, WHEN DWAYNE DIED, is coming soon.

The BOOKLIFE PRIZE (a division of Publisher's Weekly) describes MOORE THAN MEETS THE EYE: "This novel is a unique and original storyline that readers will likely find much enjoyment in. Winn's fiercely plotted storyline makes for a suspenseful read. Every plot point feels as if it is being revealed at precisely the right moment. Winn's word choice makes for a joyful ride through unexpectedly dark terrain."

You can now order SUKI in paperback at BOOK REVUE, one of the nation’s largest independent bookstores, by email at info@bookrevue.com Learn more about SUKI at BOOK REVUE.  

Her blogs have been syndicated on multiple sites including The Masquerade Crew. More posts like these can be found at Humor Outcasts and The Patch where she is a regular contributor.  

FOLLOW her on Twitter, Facebook, and CF_Winn on Instagram.

MAKE YOUR LIFE COUNT

So many are in an uproar over the Mayan calendar. There's multiple discussions about the world ending, but in reality, their civilization disappeared before Mr. Acan could print up the new calendar. Maybe the next one would have depicted maize and salt in various poses...but who knows? It's just another mystery for us to ponder about that culture.

The point is, that just as our calendar ends on December 31st in anticipation of renewal, filled with second chances for a better life, so does theirs...at least that's what I think. My guess is that they just didn't stick around long enough to see how the world has evolved, or publish the next date-keeper for their version of a fridge.

There are a bunch of like minded people who believe that December 21,2012 will bring about a time of change. It appears we are certainly warming up for it, but it is up to us about whether or not it will be a turn for the better or worse.

Hurricane Sandy was the opening act, followed closely by the Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy. 
Both events were devastating to many, and caught so much attention that they rippled out to the entire country, affecting millions of people.

The talk about both is basically the same...BLAME. Blame God, guns, LIPA, global warming, etc. Two violent acts befall us, and we inject anger and fear into the mix. 

But, there has also been much kindness. Prayers have been offered, financial, practical and spiritual donations have been passed out by the truckful...however, it concerns me when I realize which voice has been the loudest. Some of the same people who have been generous have also been almost eaten alive by anger and fear. 

I just released a book that talks about being grateful for what you have everyday because it can all be taken away in an instant. Our reaction to tough times can either destroy us, our loved ones, and our lives, OR we can grieve it, and grow from it. Unfortunately, my story was only recently released and hadn't had a chance to gain real momentum. I originally wrote it in order to make sense of my own experiences, but eventually made it public, hoping that many could benefit from its message.

For those not directly affected by these tragedies, the biggest thing we can do is to look to be of service rather than trying to place blame or become angry. God or no God, good or evil, we are on this planet with the capacity to love...and that changes EVERYTHING.

Sometimes a lesson learned is not always obvious because the situation seems so horrific. Think about the shooter in Newtown for instance. He might have taught us something. Maybe the lesson is...the way you treat someone ripples out and has an affect on MANY because in reality we are all connected. We are all one. His pain became the children's pain, which became their families' pain, which is now our pain...look at how much we talk about the pain. All of the souls lost were incredibly brave for coming here and blessing us for such a short time...because the opposite is also true if we are all connected...the joy they felt and brought their parents, rippled out in the form of kindness, good moods, generosity, etc...and that also affects the rest of the world... 

The lives that were lost are at peace. The turmoil is over for them and now they are watching us. They were heroes. What will they see when they look down on the Earth?

My advice: Turn your attention on the joy and celebrate the big and little heroes who have brought the focus back to what is really in our hearts...LOVE. If we didn't LOVE, we wouldn't grieve so much for them and what their families are going through. They have woken up others who have been sleepwalking through their lives, and for that I say Thank You.

Do not hug your children tightly just because this happened in Newtown...hug them tightly EVERY DAY. Do not start talking to your neighbor just because you are helping him rebuild after Hurricane Sandy, and then forget he ever existed. Show each other kindness EVERY DAY. Be happy that the people you know and love are here to spend time with you right now and create joy EVERY DAY....then, if it is taken away, there will be no regrets...only happy memories. A wise woman named Amanda said, "It's where YOUR heart ends up that is most important."
.
 I am reminded of something someone told me once... a mother of a friend of mine was in the hospital watching her son die. She wanted to donate his organs, but there wasn't much left of him to donate. The mother was grief stricken, but clear enough in her higher self to say, "Find something. Do your best and find something you can use for someone else. MAKE HIS DEATH COUNT." 

Do something kind in the name of the victims of either disaster and document it in the comments section of this blog. Type in what you did and who you did it for. It doesn't have to be a big organized event; sometimes a smile or a "hello" can mean everything. Use the names of the victims (living or deceased) if you can. If you follow my advice and change your mind set, then for those who died, their deaths WILL COUNT, and for those who are still with us, but are trying to rebuild, their lives will count now while they are here.

As for me, I will be giving $1 from every copy of the book I just released, SUKI, (sold in December, January, and February) to either The Hurricane Sandy Relief Fund or to The Newtown Memorial Fund...the buyer's choice. When you order from the website:
 readsuki.com  
and you check out, just specify where you would like the money to go to in the buyers instructions box. 
For those of you who buy it locally at THE SPOON on Wellwood Ave in Lindenhurst, NY, please leave a note with management, and they will get it to me.

Think about how you want to spend the rest of your time here, whether it's the next two days or two hundred years...I'm going to bet you'd like to look back on a life spent being joyful and loving...even through the tough times...especially then.