Friday, December 19, 2014

5 MORE Things That Made Me LOL

The other day I drove to Pennsylvania to pick my daughter up from school. It's Winter Break for college students and we're excited to have her home for Christmas. My two younger kids were supposed to be sleeping because the next morning they'd have school, but as soon as Ali got in the car, the drive back to NY became a party. DJ Bella took requests and we turned up the music because Neil Diamond would be drowned out during the chorus of Sweet Caroline if we didn't.

I smiled, laughed, and sang, partly because I would be voted off of the island if I didn't, but also because as happy as I am to see my daughter becoming a wonderful adult, when we get together, all is right. We bicker and say horrible things to each other at times, but the moral of this story is that no matter how snarky we can be, our comedy troupe is alive and well and slinging jokes like a starving man in a vat full of Nutella.

The jokes just keep coming, even when we're not necessarily trying to be funny:

1. I leave a magnetic pad on the fridge so that when we run out of something or someone gets a craving, we can make a list of items that I will not forget to pick up at the grocery store. This system works well, but sometimes the list gets hijacked:

In his defense, Max was just trying to helpful. I haven't been feeling well and he keeps telling me to get some swag. He insists that excessive swag is the only thing that will cure illnesses and completely eradicate Ebola.

2. My little cousin Aidan is adorable and my kids love to play with him, but most of the time, Aidan only has eyes for Bella. Ali gets so frustrated and from time to time she grabs him up, keeping him from Bella while she hugs him tight. He squirms and tries to get away, but Ali runs from her sister with the two year old in her arms and shrieks manically, "Look Aidan, if you squinch your eyes, I look just like her!"

3.  My son Max knows who he is and he has no problem parading it around so the rest of us can get to know him better. He is artistic, creative, and will do almost anything to get a laugh. Last summer, his group of friends decided to have a tea party. I am quite sure that my son has sampled almost every brand and flavor of hot and iced tea made in, imported to, and exported from the United States, so they had him at Max come over. He asked what he could bring and the hostess told him to just bring himself. So he did - wearing one his sisters' sundresses - because what else should you wear to a tea party?

4.  Recently, Blaze Pizza opened a new restaurant by my house. 
They were offering free pies the first night, so Bella, Ali, and I and about a thousand people from the town went to stand on the long line and wait for food. Bella is not a fan of lines and what made it worse was that the family in front of us kept cursing at each other - who knew a three year old could drop the F Bomb so articulately? - and the people behind us were space invaders - as in, our space was their space too.

Bella got very cranky very quickly and kept saying she wanted to leave. Ali, always the affectionate big sister, tried her best to distract her and cheer her up, but Bella wasn't having it and pushed her away. Finally, after several failed attempts and a "Shut the hell up!" from the mom to the son in front of us, Bella snapped and yelled at me with the nastiest straight face ever, "Mom, she's being so mean! She won't stop smiling at me! Punish her!"

5.  I just watched the video of Angelina Jolie talking about having chicken pox. She looks healthier than I do right now, so I complained to Ali.

Me: "What is this? I don't see one pock on her! When I had it, I looked like a monster!"
Ali (calmly): "Mom, It's Angelina Jolie. Did you really expect her to look sick?"
Me: "Um, yes..."
Ali: "Mom you have to understand. She has people to have the chicken pox for her. Right now, her staff is itching and scratching so she doesn't have to."

Click here to read the first 5 THINGS THAT MADE LOL post:

Photo Credits: Blaze Pizza Logo - Google Images
                        Angelina Jolie - Google Images

CF Winn is the award-winning author of The COFFEE BREAK SERIES, a quirky group of short stories meant to be read while on break or in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. Her first novella, SUKI, has been grabbing hearts and hugging souls all over the United States. 

You can now order SUKI in paperback at  or at BOOK REVUE, one of the nation’s largest independent bookstores, by email at Learn more about SUKI at BOOK REVUE

CF Winn is the founder of Winning! Publications, a firm specializing in editing and promotion services for authors. Her latest project is the just released Trailer Trash, With a Girl’s Name, a hilarious and heartwarming story of a boy saddled with a girl’s name and forced into a nomadic existence. Order it now: 

Her blogs have been syndicated on multiple sites including The Masquerade Crew. More posts like these can be found at Humor Outcasts and The Patch where she is a regular contributor. 

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Linda K Sienkiewicz said...

OMG! Angelica Jolie "has people to have the chicken pox for her." LOL!

CF Winn said...

Right? If only I could get someone to have my PMS for me the world would be a much better place!

Anonymous said...

A pox on all her houses.

CF Winn said...

Oh my, Paula. LOL The plural kills me.