It's that time again...when we take a look at what we've already accomplished, and look forward to the new list of things we hope to achieve. For some, the pressure of starting fresh makes them do crazy things. THIS YEAR, I have resolved to be your voice of reason. Forget about losing weight and quitting smoking. Your problems run much deeper. So put on your helmets and buckle your seat belts. As they say, the truth hurts!
1.Take down that soggy resolution list from the bathroom mirror. Don't even pretend that you read it each morning...it's illegible. The ink is running down the page and staining the grout in your wall tile.
2.Stop tweeting about marrying Ashton Kutcher...he was married to Demi Moore...do you really think he's coming for YOU? On the other hand, I hear that Russell Brand is on the market...
3.Dear "Smart Shopper",
Buying things "on sale" that you'll never use and keeping it forever "just in case" is called hoarding...I'm pretty sure that I'll never have a use for doggie diapers or pork brains in milk gravy.
4.Resolve to watch more reality shows if you're looking to kick depressive winter blues. If you're NOT getting drunk at clubs and millions of people DON'T know that you're not wearing underwear, then your life is looking up.
5."The Art of Visualization" doesn't work unless you take action. So just because Bradley Cooper doesn't come bounding into your bedroom to sweep you and your dirty hair bun away from your worldwide web social life...stop blaming the Universe!
6.Revamp your Facebook posts. No one cares that little Johnny cried because he had to go back to school after Christmas vacation...but about that tranny who keeps mistaking you for someone named Trixie Treat...LIKE! LIKE! LIKE!
7.DON'T judge your fellow man on things that have nothing to do with you. If some burly guy wants to wear cheerleader shorts and a fanny pack into the supermarket, let him be...but DO point out the health and beauty aisle so he can do something about his body odor.
CF Winn is the award-winning author of The COFFEE BREAK SERIES, a
hilarious group of short stories meant to be read while on break or in
the waiting room of the doctor's office. Her first novella, SUKI, has been grabbing hearts and hugging souls all over the United States.
You can now order SUKI in paperback at BOOK REVUE, one of the nation’s largest independent bookstores, by email at firstname.lastname@example.org or by calling (631) 271-1442.
Learn more about SUKI at BOOK REVUE http://www.bookrevue.com/localauthors.html