ENOUGH ALREADY. WE NEED TO GET OVER OURSELVES .

I am disgusted.

I wish I could say that I am saddened by the shootings that have become more and more common in this country because I am, but right now I am more disgusted than anything else. We need to get over ourselves. We are so obsessed with being mean that we don't even realize that collectively, we are the reason for the violence.

The world has evolved so much and in so many ways.

Phones are no longer just phones anymore, space is slowly becoming more of a destination and less a mystery, and we can print organs almost as easily as we print our tax returns. But when it comes to how we treat each other--one of the most basic functions that we perform every day--it seems that there is a percentage of people that cannot seem to evolve at all. And with all that we've been through to become a country where freedom of speech is an inalienable right, one that should be cherished and treated as the privilege it is, we choose instead to cut others down for expressing their opinion in growing numbers. Just look at memes, Facebook posts, Twitter feeds, and some blogs.

What does this have to do with shootings, #BlackLivesMatter, #AllLivesMatter, #Dallas, and all of the innocents that have suffered in the mix?

RESPECT.

Respect is not the same as agreeing to and going along with something you know to be wrong. It is allowing someone else their opinion before disagreeing without shaming or attacking his character. If you think you have the right to say what you think, remember that the other person believes the same. And if you think you stand a chance at changing this person's mind by yelling or coming at them hard, just remember how many times you tuned an angry parent out...

The other day someone posted this question on FaceBook: Is it ok for someone to buy lobster with food stamps?

I thought that maybe this person was using food stamps and wanted to know if lobster was a product on the "authorized" list, but very quickly it became clear that the question came from someone who was peeking into another person's shopping cart and judging their choices.

For half a day, this feed was like the trial of the century. And within two responses, I was sure that if the person on food stamps was really on trial, he was going to get the death penalty. Someone even created a list of what this person should be buying--without any knowledge of this person's family, background, special needs, etc.

Sure, lobster might be an unusual choice, but how does that choice warrant so much ridicule for such a large chunk of the day? Especially when you consider how many new ideas have come from unusual choices and out of the box thinking. Without that strange looking thing that we screw into lamps, I'd be writing this post by candlelight, on paper with the more common inkwell, then nailing it to a pole for people to read.

We need to take a stand.

We do. But I think we also need to realize that there are many ways to take a stand. Throughout history, we have been shown different ways, we have been led via many paths, and we have made progress in so many areas. We are testing ourselves again--a sign that we are onto something great--but this time it's tougher because we have more resources with which to come at each other.

In my heart, I know this:

- If we take those resources and redirect them, we can be just as strong in a positive way as we are in the negative ways we ultimately wind up mourning over.

- Saying something to speak out against violence and hatred is fine in some instances, but in others, it fuels it.


Although your intentions may be good, arguing back and forth can escalate and perpetuate the nonsense. There are whens and wheres to debate the issues, but when we come at each other on social media, we appear disjointed as a nation. Deep down, that kind of disjointedness creates fear and anger, and we wind up shooting people we don't even know--and the whole time we don't even realize that the fear and anger came from such trivial FaceBook posts like the one about food stamps and lobster.

I have been ridiculed for not saying something.

But in my silence, I turn away from the negative and toward the positive. Imagine a toddler having a temper tantrum in a play group. The other toddlers turn their backs instead of telling him to shut up or instead of trying to calm him down.

That kid gets to express himself, and eventually, two things happen. It becomes obvious that the calmer toddlers outnumber the one loud, angry kid, and soon the yeller--without back up or support--grows tired and either falls asleep, or moves on to play nicely with others--because that's the only way they will interact with him.

Social media has the power to bring us together, but it can also rip us apart. Skimmers only read the headlines and those are skewed to attract readers. Opinions are often formed and expressed based on half read articles and the need to be right.

Why can't we all just be heard?

Progress is made via debate, not violence--if you kill everyone off, who will create the next best cronut? And yes, humor is great tool for when we get too serious or tense. Why are we here if we can't have fun? I am quite sure that our purpose is NOT to create bigger weapons so that we can kill more people--I have to believe that we were meant to do better than this.

We should expect respect. On all levels of government and civillian life. We should hold ourselves accountable for the good behavior we expect from others. When we work this way, the smaller, bad group is easily exposed. They can't hide behind the chaos we create, working against the greater good, while we are busy policing each other for being outraged at the smaller, bad group's actions. THAT is how change comes about--once we isolate the real issue we can truly determine its size and worth. We can more easily figure out how and where to focus our energies--and no one has to get hurt.

The consequences of where we are headed are eloquently laid out for us by John Kass, Contact Reporter for the ChicagoTribune: "If you read histories about great empires and how they lost their way — slowly, inexorably, the illness growing along the dull spine of what they once had been — then you already know what happens."

My disgust has melted away and I am replaced with hope. Hope that someone may agree with what I've said and change even just one thing to respect others more. And that by their example one more person may do the same. And so on, until respect spreads like the viral videos of senseless killings of fellow human beings that have no business in a place like the United States.




CF Winn is the award-winning author of The COFFEE BREAK SERIES, a quirky group of short stories meant to be read while on break or in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. Her first novella, SUKI, has been grabbing hearts and hugging souls all over the United States. 

You can now order SUKI in paperback at https://www.amazon.com/dp/0615726313

Her blogs have been syndicated on multiple sites including The Masquerade Crew. More posts like these can be found at Humor Outcasts and The Patch where she is a regular contributor.  

FOLLOW me on Twitter, Facebook, and CF_Winn on Instagram.

ARE YOU A GIVER OR A TAKER?

Recently, Joan Rivers got all fired up and decided she was going to dance on Johnny Carson's.....plaque. She was mad. The kind of mad that made someone want to dance on someone's grave..if they had a grave to dance on. The two funny-makers were close for a long time, but after Joan got her own show, Johnny stopped talking to her...for twenty years. Then he died.

So after discovering that he was cremated and that she, along with most of LA had probably breathed in, swallowed, then pooped out his ashes, she decided to find his memorial plaque and dance on it.

Because the internet is so magical, her search was easy, and she set out to Cha Cha on top of the Daddy of Late Night. When she got to Johnny Carson Park, there he was, his face and name etched in stone and she, still limber enough to Tango all over it. Hell, she could've given some of those ashes she'd inhaled back in a few creative ways, and what could Johnny do about it but watch and maybe haunt her later that night?

With no one but a cameraman and a lone friend to witness, she looked his bust square in the eye, took a deep breath....and reached out and caressed his cheek. She sent her companion to buy some flowers and sat down next to the rock carved desk and cried for Johnny. She told him that she missed him and asked him why he stopped speaking to her. She chatted with him as if not a day had passed and then told her friend that she owed him everything because he gave her her start.

I believe that every person that blesses us with friendship, love, and kindness should be regarded in this same way. We are shaped by every interaction, and the deeper the connection, the more of an effect it has on us. Respect those relationships, and hold onto them tight, because they could be gone at any moment.

Today I was thinking about an old friend named Dwayne. Although he had faults like anyone else, he was a great guy.

A few years ago he died and I was surprised at just how sad it made me. We were very close once upon a time, best friends in fact, but at the time of his passing, we hadn't spoken in about fifteen years. It wasn't because we'd had a falling out...our lives just drifted apart. We met significant others, had babies, and eventually, he moved a few continents away.
 
The thing about Dwayne was that he was a good person. A really good person. The kind that never considers what's in it for him when he acts on someone's behalf. He was the type to fly under the radar until he passed away....then as he watched from his new vantage point, was surprised to see a line of mourners at his funeral, and shocked to hear that people he didn't even know were still talking about him, years after his death. 

Once he saw a guy beating up his girlfriend. They were in a bad neighborhood, and he didn't know either of them, and without thinking of his personal safety, Dwayne came to the aid of the girl. There was a scuffle, but he was successful in running the guy off. The girl was able to continue packing up her car and leaving that creep for good because of one kind act.

I thought about him while I was on the road today. I was at a red light and I glanced around like I always do: some girl was texting, an elderly gentleman gazed off, his brow furrowed with worry, a

crazy looking dude was poking each of his ten fingers up his nose....but when I casually looked in my rear view, I swore the driver behind me was Dwayne. I did a double take, and realized it wasn't and couldn't be, but then...as thoughts tend to do...mine took over.

I noticed that for me, there's a hole in the world where he belongs. I wasn't feeling like I missed hanging out with him, because we hadn't, for a really long time. It just seemed like there was a little less positive energy floating around than there should be, and while Heaven has gained a tremendous presence, this Earthly plane has lost a little spark.

I remembered how much I respected him for all of the kind words and acts he gifted others with, and how many times I'd wished that I could be more like him. Then I wondered how many of us have that? Is there at least one person that you feel that way about?

But even more importantly, have you lived your life in a way that you will be remembered and respected for your integrity and compassion? What stories will be told about you after you've passed? Will those left behind want to dance around your grave in celebration of what you gave, or will they want to shake their booties ON it, laughing about how much of you was wasted?



 CF Winn is the award-winning author of The COFFEE BREAK SERIES, a quirky group of short stories meant to be read while on break or in the waiting room of the doctor's office. Her first novella, SUKI, is published by Shorehouse Books and has been grabbing hearts and hugging souls all over the United States.


You can now order SUKI in paperback on Amazon or at BOOK REVUE, one of the nation’s largest independent bookstores, by email at info@bookrevue.com or by calling (631) 271-1442.
Learn more about SUKI at BOOK REVUE http://www.bookrevue.com/localauthors.html