10 Things ELF ON A SHELF Should Post On Social Media

 1. On Instagram: That face the woman who bought me makes when she bites into the half a cake she snuck into the laundry room. Sorry men.When it comes to cake, there's no #FakingIt.

2. On Linked In: Why you should congratulate Marny for being a great ELF ON A SHELF owner:

- I owe her one for hooking me up with Barbie three or four nights a week.
- Whenever I take a dump around the house or on her Christmas cookies, she squeals, "Let me grab
   the camera!" instead of getting mad. 
- And there's booze.

  3. On Facebook: It wasn't a windstorm that blew me right off of the shelf. Taco Bell needs to start posting warnings regarding teenage boys...

4. On Twitter: @MomOf4 That stuff you didn't scrape off the bottom of the coffee table before putting me there? It's exactly what you thought it was. #ElfProbs

5. On Tumblr: I saw Mommy trying out positions with ELF ON A SHELF #NewChristmasSongs #NaughtyList #SexyElf

6. On Facebook: The broken lamp was not my fault. I was set up.

7. On Twitter: @CrazyForCanines The dog you rescued is without a doubt not fixed. Maybe next time you won't put me so close to the dog's bed.

8. On Pinterest: Four More Uses For Your ELF ON A SHELF:

- Drinking Buddy - He prefers wine or beer
- Surrogate - Put him in several sexual positions so you can see which ones won't make you look like an injured elephant
- Audience Member - When you sing Taylor Swift songs at the top of your lungs while vacuuming
- Confidante - Strip down naked and ask him if you look fat. He'll smile at you as if you're hotter than Barbie and will not mention that your cellulite looks like the three bowls of mashed potatoes you inhaled last night.

9. On Facebook: Holy Crap! Why does the two year old keep putting me in the toilet and calling it a pool? Things just got real.

10. On Tumblr: New Christmas game. Every time the humans sing "Let It Go" Elsa and I will off another reindeer.


Photo Credits: Google Images

CF Winn is the award-winning author of The COFFEE BREAK SERIES, a quirky group of short stories meant to be read while on break or in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. Her first novella, SUKI, has been grabbing hearts and hugging souls all over the United States. 

HAUNTED HOUSE...HAUNTED LIFE is based on true paranormal events and is available on Amazon in ebook https://www.amazon.com/dp/B014U9T1VK or in paperback https://www.amazon.com/dp/1699643490

You can now order SUKI in paperback at Amazon https://www.amazon.com/dp/0615726313 or at BOOK REVUE, one of the nation’s largest independent bookstores, by email at info@bookrevue.com Learn more about SUKI at BOOK REVUE. 

More posts like these can be found at Humor Outcasts and The Patch where she is a regular contributor. 

FOLLOW me on Twitter, Facebook, and CF_Winn on Instagram or subscribe to www.cfwinn.com and get free books when you become part of my Review Team

Accolades for KAFE CASTRO

Thank you to my fans for reading and reviewing KAFE CASTRO (Mom! I told you to post as anonymous!):


Highly Recommended!!!by Anonymous
Customer Rating:5 Stars
Imaginative, witty & an easy read. A great escape into the mind of someone who really knows how to capture our world of silent musings and transpose them into amusing vignettes that we can all appreciate.
Seinfeldesque likeability. Takes those quirky little unconscious yet everyday situations that we all experience into the forefront of our reality.


A GREAT READ!!!by Anonymous
Customer Rating:5 Stars
So funny, I could really relate to some of the crazy events this poor girl went through. I'm telling everyone I know to read this.



If not for the readers who took the time to laugh and express their emotions over the train wreck that is our heroine, KC, I might have given up the idea that I could be providing some type of service to the masses.
My husband is glad that you have given me a purpose...now maybe I'll be too busy to dig through his tool box for fun. After the pound cake batter incident, his drill just hasn't been the same. And maybe those really long bits that I used to hold up my tomato plants will be returned to their rightful owner. Not sure if I will stop using the table saw as a bread cutter though...I can't get those clean cuts with just any old knife!
If it isn't over the top, it isn't KAFE CASTRO!