You Know You're Modern Day Trailer Trash When...

 

Back in the day, being trailer trash literally meant living in a recreational vehicle of some sort. Just ask Stacey Roberts, the author of the recently released book, TRAILER TRASH, WITH A GIRL’S NAME. I was lucky enough to edit his manuscript, and upon doing so, I discovered that for much of his life, he traveled the country with his family…and his home.

Along the way, he learned a few things. Like how much he hated his mother’s cooking.

One summer he wrote letters to all of the TV chefs he could think of:

Dear Julia Childs,

Will you please come to my house and teach my mother how to cook? Last night she made us turkey necks and pinto beans. It tasted like the socks of a Roman legionnaire on campaign in Syria. There must be a better way. For the next few weeks, you can find me in California. After that, New Mexico. Then possibly Nevada. Check your brakes BEFORE you go down the hill overlooking Hoover Dam.

Thanks.

Sincerely,

Stacey Roberts (by the way, I’m a BOY, a BOY who needs decent food so I can grow up and change my name)

A few years and multiple reality checks later, Stacey became something of a math whiz. By the time he was twelve, he could look at a building with an actual foundation and tell you how many RV’s could fit in it:

1. The White House - seventeen

2. Madison Square Garden - eleven

3. My house – four and a half if we cut off one RV bathroom. It’s an extravagant extra that’s always clogged anyway.

By the time he was in high school, according to his book, Stacey had been electrocuted, run over, ignored, and given a girl’s name. After editing his hysterical set of anecdotes and learning a little about what it means to be trapped on the road with a mom who can’t cook or remember anyone’s name, I got to thinking about how times have changed, and  how we use the term “Trailer Trash” now.

 

With the introduction of technology, poverty has a new face. For example, if you’re a family of four with only one laptop and one cell phone that you all share, you just might be trailer trash. Laws are being changed, and we have seen a few states allowing the legalization of pot. If you are still lighting up a few times a day and wondering what all the fuss is about, you just might be trailer trash.

Things have snuck up on us quickly, and we have had to adapt without really thinking about it. But if you just stop for a moment and look around, you might be surprised to learn that you too are living the life:

 

1. Your wife says, “Hon, the Millers are coming over. Let’s put out the good stuff.” You immediatelyhead straight for the beloved set of Disney plates you found at a yard sale.  

2. Tight leopard print, Snooki clothing is as much a staple as the little black dress…actually, if you’ve got leopard, you don’t need anything else, including underwear.

3. When a huge storm is coming, you rush to the store for milk, beer, and wine.

4. You TSK and pull over when you see bulk items left for trash on the side of the road – they were perfectly fine and now sit proudly in your living room, dining room, and bedroom.

 

5. You see an RV for sale and think, why wait ten years till the kids graduate?

 

6. On Linked In, you list your current occupation as Collector of Lightly Used Items instead of Hoarder.

 

7. Your kids grow up knowing how to read, write, and mix an excellent kamikaze.

8. You’d rather watch COPS than the Discovery channel…just so you can say you know a bunch of the stars.     

9. Your Facebook profile picture has most of your teeth photoshopped in. 

  

10. When you’re stressed out, you don’t reach for the phone to call your therapist, you reach for another bottle of wine…and your computer so you can post about it.

11. Your family’s idea of Sunday dinner together includes Big Macs, Chicken McNuggets, and Fries…in front of the TV so you don’t have to DVR WWE.

12. Your uncle can’t decide if the perfect getaway is Rikers Island or Leavenworth. 

13. Your Twitter handle includes the words: Trailer Trash, Redneck, or Selfie.

14. You’re not allowed to use the beer empties to set off your bottle rockets…because then we can’t cash it in for the five cent deposit.

15. You get a ride to school in your house, which doubles as the family car after 8am.

16. Your Tumblr blog includes a picture of a bumper sticker that reads, I’d rather be reading TRAILER TRASH, WITH A GIRL’S NAME because after this hilarious book goes public, not only will you want to buy a copy, but you’ll pass around the meme:

MORE GREAT BOOK CLUB PICKS BY INDIE AUTHORS: 

SUKI:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2013/06/summer-reading-book-club-week-1.html 


WRONG PLACE, WRONG TIME:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2013/06/friends-dont-let-friends-read-alone.html?showComment=1430071350264

MY TWO FLAGS: 

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2013/07/i-am-master-of-my-words-captain-of-my.html?showComment=1430071350264

OCTOBER SNOW:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2014/06/life-is-like-blanket-of-snow.html?showComment=1430071350264

MOORE THAN MEETS THE EYE:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2014/09/theres-always-another-story.html

WELCOME TO HEIDI:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2014/06/welcome-to-must-read.html

KAFE CASTRO:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2013/08/why-are-you-so-serious-do-it-kafe.html

BROKEN ANGEL:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2012/09/broken-angel-review.html

DEJA DREW:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2012/08/deja-drew-excerpt.html

THE GAZE:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2012/05/gaze-by-javier-arobayoyay-or-nay.html

PGB:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2012/05/javier-robayo-author-of-gaze-steps-in.html

HAUNTED HOUSE, HAUNTED LIFE:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2014/10/haunted-house-haunted-life.html

CF Winn is the award-winning author of The COFFEE BREAK SERIES, a quirky group of short stories meant to be read while on break or in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. Her first novella, SUKI, has been grabbing hearts and hugging souls all over the United States. 

You can now order SUKI in paperback at http://hopress-shorehousebooks.com/cf-winn/  or at BOOK REVUE, one of the nation’s largest independent bookstores, by email at info@bookrevue.com Learn more about SUKI at BOOK REVUE. 

CF Winn is the founder of Winning! Publications, a firm specializing in editing and promotion services for authors. Her latest project is the just released Trailer Trash, With a Girl’s Name, a hilarious and heartwarming story of a boy saddled with a girl’s name and forced into a nomadic existence. Order it now: http://www.amazon.com/Trailer-Trash-With-Girls-Name-ebook/dp/B00IX0MIAO 

FOLLOW me on Twitter, Facebook, Google +, and CF_Winn on Instagram.

Welcome To Must Read!

As soon as I saw the cover for WELCOME TO HEIDI, I had to know more. Who isn't intrigued by a fifty-something year old woman flying (spinning?) away in her vintage prom dress? I wasn't sure what she was wearing on her feet, but the smile on her face implied that the secret to life might very well be hidden in what looked like her black ankle socks, and I thought: This broad is ok.

Several days later, like kismet, I happened to read an excerpt from the book about cake and food obsession at the same time that I was polishing off a can of Pringles. I was convinced that I had found my sister soul mate, or at least someone who could give me all the right reasons to justify the two Big Macs I was still digesting from lunch. I left the chip crumbs in my hair and bought the book.

Take a look at Book 2 in my Summer Reading Series:

WELCOME TO HEIDI 
by Heidi Clements

About the story:

 If you ever wondered what 50 would look like on a former alcoholic tattooed shoe addict who eats cake out of her garbage can and secretly prays to her vagina to die on a regular basis - well wonder no more and Welcome to Heidi. This collection of stories culled from over 300 blogs and rewritten for your pleasure will take readers on a journey they never expected and perhaps never knew they wanted to go on.

From dating, to how to tame Jewish hair, getting a pot license at 52, and surviving what is perhaps the worst Hollywood job ever – Welcome To Heidi will remind you to laugh at life’s most inane moments – even when those moments are happening to you.

Welcome To Heidi says everything you wish you could say but can’t and proves that having it all is possible – as long as the “all” is shoes. Take a trip inside the mind of a sarcastic, dysmorphic, slightly mental, completely fashion addicted, single woman who’s trying to live the second half of her life with zero apologies and massive debt.

Welcome to Heidi – you’ll never want to leave.

The Review:

This book has it all. It's funny, at times it tugs at the heart strings, and it is downright terrifying - starting with Chapter One: Happy Birthday To Mean. Aging is a brutal process, and Ms. Clements doesn't pull any punches about what is in store for us women as we hit fifty. I laughed as I read her roll call for the run down  - flinching when I realized that at forty-something, I totally own six of the ten items on her list. (*mic drop*)

WELCOME TO HEIDI is for men and women of all ages. A handbook for people of both sexes and all orientations to not only understand themselves, but their partners, friends, and family members. It contains valuable insight about what life dishes out - ladies hold off on those expensive boob jobs till perimenopause - and we also get a peek into the mind of a brilliantly creative writer, woman, and human being. She exposes her ideas, feelings, and a few body parts along the way, leaving the reader with food for thought - sometimes recycled from the garbage can of life, but always with a perspective that is smart; urging us to wake up and find the funny instead of letting gravity have the last laugh.

I give this debut novel five bookmarks dipped in white icing - good times for those brave enough to look cellulite in the eye and say, "Hey thanks. I've always wanted dimples. Now hand me another ring ding."

Read the book and then join the discussion by commenting below.


WELCOME TO HEIDI is published by Humor Outcasts Press
Get to know Heidi Clements at: http://shorehouse-books.humoroutcasts.com/
Order WELCOME TO HEIDI at: http://www.amazon.com/Welcome-To-Heidi-Clements/dp/0692216847



MORE GREAT BOOK CLUB PICKS BY INDIE AUTHORS: 

SUKI:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2013/06/summer-reading-book-club-week-1.html 


WRONG PLACE, WRONG TIME:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2013/06/friends-dont-let-friends-read-alone.html?showComment=1430071350264

MY TWO FLAGS: 

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2013/07/i-am-master-of-my-words-captain-of-my.html?showComment=1430071350264

OCTOBER SNOW:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2014/06/life-is-like-blanket-of-snow.html?showComment=1430071350264

TRAILER TRASH, WITH A GIRL'S NAME:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2014/10/you-know-youre-modern-day-trailer-trash.html

MOORE THAN MEETS THE EYE:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2014/09/theres-always-another-story.html

KAFE CASTRO:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2013/08/why-are-you-so-serious-do-it-kafe.html

BROKEN ANGEL:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2012/09/broken-angel-review.html

DEJA DREW:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2012/08/deja-drew-excerpt.html

THE GAZE:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2012/05/gaze-by-javier-arobayoyay-or-nay.html

PGB:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2012/05/javier-robayo-author-of-gaze-steps-in.html

HAUNTED HOUSE, HAUNTED LIFE:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2014/10/haunted-house-haunted-life.html

CF Winn is the award-winning author of The COFFEE BREAK SERIES, a quirky group of short stories meant to be read while on break or in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. Her first novella, SUKI, has been grabbing hearts and hugging souls all over the United States. 

You can now order SUKI in paperback at http://hopress-shorehousebooks.com/cf-winn/  or at BOOK REVUE, one of the nation’s largest independent bookstores, by email at info@bookrevue.com Learn more about SUKI at BOOK REVUE. 

CF Winn is the founder of Winning! Publications, a firm specializing in editing and promotion services for authors. Her latest project is the just released Trailer Trash, With a Girl’s Name, a hilarious and heartwarming story of a boy saddled with a girl’s name and forced into a nomadic existence. Order it now: http://www.amazon.com/Trailer-Trash-With-Girls-Name-ebook/dp/B00IX0MIAO 

LIFE IS LIKE A BLANKET OF SNOW...

...be careful where and how you step...

It's that time again. The weather is warming up and we are slowing down, just in time to crack open a brand new list of beach reads. Welcome to my first summertime pick:


OCTOBER SNOW by Jenna Brooks        

About The Story: 

Josie spent twenty years as a battered wife, dying for a hero.
Now, she's dying to become one.

Josie Kane is a "difficult" woman, a pure enigma - one who survives her abusive husband by honing her unnerving talent for playing mind games: she knows exactly how to manipulate a bully.
Finally divorced, she thinks the abuse is over, and she's free.

She's wrong. And her cynicism is building.

Josie works with battered women, trying to rescue them from a fate similar to hers. But on the night that yet another battered woman is murdered by her husband, pining for a hero as she dies in Josie's arms, her cynicism becomes a quiet, simmering hatred.

Her one remaining refuge is in her bond with Maxine and Samantha, the two friends whom she loves like sisters. When Samantha becomes pregnant by Jack - an abuser who makes known his intentions to use the baby as a weapon of control - Josie's hatred ripens to a vengeful fury.

She sets out to take on one more batterer, manipulate one more bully... And she lures Jack into the crosshairs of the ultimate mind game.

Her friends are convinced that she intends to rid Samantha of Jack.
They're right.

But with Josie Kane, as always, there's a twist.

With her friends helpless to stop her - and with Samantha hanging in the balance - Josie squares off with Jack in a life-and-death, winner-lose-all battle of wits to determine which side will win Sammy's future.

And this time, there will be a hero.

The Review:

I have to start this off with a warning: OCTOBER SNOW is not for everyone. The story opens with a violent, gut wrenching death - a scene that grabbed hold of my heart and attention, and lured me in. If you do not have a strong stomach, you may not be able to handle the graphic descriptions of the violence inflicted upon the innocent.

As you can imagine, the life of a battered woman is not an easy one. This book offers the perspective of the victims and their families via a cleverly woven tale of friendship and the many faces of love. The writing is smooth, honest, and - when appropriate - even humorous. I was especially impressed with Ms. Brooks' ability to hypnotize me with the charm and allure of the small town, making me wish I could step outside my door and visit some of the local businesses, while chatting with a few of its inhabitants. I found it sad that the beauty she created in her descriptions of the landscapes was merely a cover for the ugliness that goes on behind some closed doors.

But not all is grim in OCTOBER SNOW. The friendship of the three main characters, Jo, Sam, and Max is the basis for a support system that everyone should be lucky enough to have. And the love story between Sam and Dave is what great movies are made of.

The beginning of the book is a bit slow at times, mired down by coffee drinking and day job hating, but stick with it readers. Once it picks up, this story does not disappoint. I give it four and a half bookmarks, dipped in justice. Be sure to have tissues on hand as Jenna Brooks claws at your soul, daring you not to feel anything for the complex characters she expertly creates on the pages of this novel.

I can't wait to read the sequel, AN EARLY FROST.

Click here to learn more about the author and to order your copy of OCTOBER SNOW: http://www.amazon.com/Jenna-Brooks/e/B00AFNY6JS

I invite you to read OCTOBER SNOW and then join the discussion here. What did you think of the story? Have you known anyone like any of the characters? How would you have handled the situation between Sam and her ex, Jack? I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts!

MORE GREAT BOOK CLUB PICKS BY INDIE AUTHORS: 

SUKI:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2013/06/summer-reading-book-club-week-1.html 


WRONG PLACE, WRONG TIME:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2013/06/friends-dont-let-friends-read-alone.html?showComment=1430071350264

MY TWO FLAGS: 

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2013/07/i-am-master-of-my-words-captain-of-my.html?showComment=1430071350264


TRAILER TRASH, WITH A GIRL'S NAME:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2014/10/you-know-youre-modern-day-trailer-trash.html

MOORE THAN MEETS THE EYE:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2014/09/theres-always-another-story.html

WELCOME TO HEIDI:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2014/06/welcome-to-must-read.html

KAFE CASTRO:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2013/08/why-are-you-so-serious-do-it-kafe.html

BROKEN ANGEL:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2012/09/broken-angel-review.html

DEJA DREW:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2012/08/deja-drew-excerpt.html

THE GAZE:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2012/05/gaze-by-javier-arobayoyay-or-nay.html

PGB:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2012/05/javier-robayo-author-of-gaze-steps-in.html

HAUNTED HOUSE, HAUNTED LIFE:

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/2014/10/haunted-house-haunted-life.html

CF Winn is the award-winning author of The COFFEE BREAK SERIES, a quirky group of short stories meant to be read while on break or in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. Her first novella, SUKI, has been grabbing hearts and hugging souls all over the United States. 

You can now order SUKI in paperback at BOOK REVUE, one of the nation’s largest independent bookstores, by email at info@bookrevue.com Learn more about SUKI at BOOK REVUE. 

CF Winn is the founder of Winning! Publications, a firm specializing in editing and promotion services for authors. Her latest project is the just released Trailer Trash, With a Girl’s Name, a hilarious and heartwarming story of a boy saddled with a girl’s name and forced into a nomadic existence. Order it now: http://www.amazon.com/Trailer-Trash-With-Girls-Name-ebook/dp/B00IX0MIAO 

SUKI Got A FaceLift!

No matter how much we like to pretend we don't, all writers have one. A baby. It's always the favorite; a specific work that means more to us than the rest.


If any of you have read my Facebook posts, or my Tweets, you are aware that my baby is my novella SUKI. If you have already read the book, then that statement means even more.

This particular story took twenty years and a few overhauls to create...I'm sure Joan Rivers is shaking her head in agreement...that's right girl. Sometimes we need more than one try to make it happen...but don't worry Joan, at least you've got your jokes to fall back on.

When I started writing it, I was in my twenties and we grew together. I've changed, and so has SUKI. I'm proud to say that my "baby" has grown into a healing mechanism for many and the catalyst for a discussion that is long overdue.

We are entering into our third printing together, so I have decided to celebrate SUKI's evolution by allowing another one of my babies - my son, Max Lee, an up and coming artist, and the closest thing to a business partner I have - to offer his interpretation of the story as the new cover.

As I write this, I remind myself that Spring is just around the corner and so is Prom season. My daughter, my 17 year old "baby", is picking out dresses for the occasion and it seems fitting that SUKI get the chance to wear something pretty too:

I proudly offer you my son's work, a cover so beautiful that it inspires a thought: Great Creative Vision is the new Botox when it comes to changing your look.







TO PURCHASE:

You can now order SUKI in paperback at BOOK REVUE, one of the nation’s largest independent bookstores, by email at info@bookrevue.com or by calling (631) 271-1442.
Learn more about SUKI at BOOK REVUE http://www.bookrevue.com/localauthors.html

As an e-book: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BJVSHPE
Print copies can be ordered at:
http://hopress-shorehousebooks.com/cf-winn/
LIKE SUKI on FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SukiByCfWinn


Check out more Max Lee art at:
http://instagram.com/maxwell___lee# 

and

http://instagram.com/maxwellleesart#