Friday, August 31, 2012


Some women attract rich, handsome guys,and some attract straight up losers. Meet Trish. She attracts guys named Drew.

Drew is the diminutive form of Andrew, a Greek word that means "brave". Each of Trish's encounters require courage, but not necessarily on the part of the guys. She overcomes social awkwardness, sexual dysfunction, and OCD with her would be suitors.

DEJA DREW, the fourth installment in the COFFEE BREAK SERIES, does not disappoint. In another Tarantino-esque narrative, CF Winn creates her darkest and most despicable characters yet, confirming that her comic literary talent isn't going away anytime soon.

For all of the girls that have kissed many, many frogs before finding their Prince Charming, this one's for you:

We spot a 7-11. Drew wants to stop because he’s hungry. At first I’m puzzled. I know we can get refreshments from the concession stand before the movie, but then I figure he probably wants something only 7-11 sells, like a taquito or a Slurpee. He asks me if I want a snack as well, but I decline, holding out for popcorn with extra butter at the theater.

I don’t go in. This should only take a few minutes before we’re off again, still in time to catch the previews before the main feature.

I watch as he buys a jelly doughnut generously sprinkled with confectioner’s sugar and silently ask myself, “Didn’t he just bake those today?”

Drew walks out, obviously pleased with his choice. Instead of getting in, he explains that he has a rule about not eating in his car but still wants to be able to talk to me. I’m surprised when instead of opening a window, Drew leans over the sun roof and devours the pastry as if it’s his last meal. I lose the enthusiastic feeling I’d had earlier about our date when powdered sugar falls into the car like snow as he shoves the doughnut into his mouth. He talks and it cascades down onto the driver’s seat through the sun roof.

I shield my face slightly with my hand; not to deflect the falling debris, but because I’m hoping that no one notices me and realizes that I’m with him.

As he inhales the last bits of cake without first swallowing what he has already gnawed off, three attractive girls, who appear to be in their early twenties, pull their convertible into the spot next to ours. Even with his cheeks bulging, it’s obvious that Drew likes what he sees.

He says, in what I assume is an attempt at a seductive voice, “Hey girls, what’s going on?”

His mouth is so full that they can’t make out exactly what he’s saying, and because their top is down, he sprays doughnut all over them. I don’t know whether to laugh or cringe.

The girls squeal, “EEWW!!”, and walk away, swatting at the soggy doughnut pieces that have landed in their hair. They shoot him dirty looks and wipe their faces. As soon as they enter the 7-11, they point and talk about him to everyone in there.

I slouch down low in my seat and desperately try to activate my secret invisibility power. When it fails me, I resort to super silence. I do not speak again till we get home and I’m compelled to inform him that another date will not be possible.

Fast forward 12 years.

Predictably, selling perfumes does not work out, and I eventually get a job that makes me some money. I go from annoying solicitor to serious field market researcher. I collect data from stores for large companies. I carry around a lap top and make virtual maps of different displays and shelf space for big name soda and chip clients. It’s an easy job that affords me flexibility and great pay.
My colleagues and I are sent to various grocery and drugs stores with detailed project instructions, and equipment with which to collect the information. One day, as I work, eager to finish my tasks and hit the beach, a store employee walks up to me.

He says, “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

I don’t stop, and I barely look up, but I answer, “I’m working.”

He asks, “Do you work for another chain?”

His tone is suspicious, as if I’m a spy for the competition.

Not wanting to break my rhythm, I continue focusing on the products I’m mapping and say, “I only work for them when they hire me for a job and I’m actually in their store. You can sleep soundly tonight. I’m not here to steal company secrets. I’m just trying to do my job like everyone else. And by the way, I have the manager’s approval to be here, but you don’t have to trust me. Why don’t you go find the manager and ask him about it. Let me know how that works out for you.”
That’s when I lift my head and take my eyes off the computer screen, in order to break out a dirty look to top off my tirade.

There’s the ache in my fingers.

Look at his skin.

My eyes retrace his steps from the bakery counter and are pulled quickly back to the half eaten cookie in his hand. There are bits of crumbs clinging to the ends of my hair where he has inadvertently spit them because he’s talking with his mouth full.

My heart beats hard and I start to sweat.

Oh my God, it’s Drew!

DEJA DREW is available:














CF Winn is the award-winning author of The COFFEE BREAK SERIES, a hilarious group of short stories meant to be read while on break or in the waiting room of the doctor's office. Her first novella, SUKI, has been grabbing hearts and hugging souls all over the United States.

You can now order SUKI in paperback at BOOK REVUE, one of the nation’s largest independent bookstores, by email at or by calling (631) 271-1442.
Learn more about SUKI at BOOK REVUE

1 comment:

Javier A. Robayo said...

Funny and realistic, I could tell you about the female version of Drew, except that there were 12 Jens, but that's a story for another time...
I laughed with this one.