Wednesday, July 27, 2011

DOES YOUR LIP BUTTER HAVE ATTITUDE?

It used to be that the ONLY definition of the word ATTITUDE was:
"a personal view of something".

In more recent times, that definition has been almost completely replaced by a new meaning:
"an arrogant or assertive manner or stance assumed as a challenge or for effect".

Think Housewives Of The Inappropriate
This new perspective on an old word has in fact been embraced. Sure, many will hear or utter the question, "Why do you have such an attitude?" at least three or four hundred times in their lifespans, but think about it.

Don't you secretly respect those with said attitude and back off when they start throwing it around?

I was in the drug store today and spotted something curious...a small yellow box boasting about its contents...peach mango lip butter with an ATTITUDE!

Lip butter? Really?

And I'm sorry, but when I think of peach mango, attitude is not what comes to mind.

I got to thinking:
*How would one know if peach mango lip butter really did have an attitude?
*Would we feel a little sting when applying it?
*Would it have a bitter taste?

It doesn't really have to do anything.

If the box said it had attitude, that was good enough for the easily influenced consumer. There was only one left on the shelf in front of me, and I thought,"Wow! This kind of advertising really works!"

It shook me up a bit to think that BAD ASS sells better than POSITIVE ATTITUDE

And then I remembered the first time I met my friend, Val McKenna. We were chaperoning an elementary school trip to Fire Island and I was making polite conversation. We had just seen a small snake in the bushes and everyone got very excited. It made me miss an old friend, so I mentioned it.

Me: "Ya know that snake has the same coloring as a boa constrictor I used to own."
Val: "You used to have a boa constrictor??...as a pet?!"
Me (tearing up): "Yeah, his name was Bart and we used to watch TV together."
Val: "Your SNAKE watched TV?!"
Me: "It was our special time. He loved the warmth of my hair, so he'd crawl up my back and get inside of it. Then, he'd poke his head out on top of mine, and we'd sit on the bed and watch TV."
Val: "Wow Chris! You're really badass!"

I sniffled a few more times and thought of Bart in his hobo bag, hanging off my back,calm and content as I waded through many an Octoberfest looking for trinkets I would never need.



After a few moments, as I gathered sassafras, I contemplated what she had said. Was I really badass for sharing special moments with my beloved pet boa? It was hard to fathom, especially when I remembered how if it wasn't for the guy I lived with, poor Bart would've starved! I would rather have died than touch those gross, vicious mice and rats that Bart ate once a day!

When I look at Facebook posts or Tweets, I see that the more popular folks are the ones with obvious ATTITUDE.

For example, here's a Tweep who thinks she can take on the government: "You are holding the country hostage to forward the agenda of the few. The FEW. Do not make me get on a bus to DC!"

And TKT, thanks for proving my point: "My library account said I was DELINQUENT. I kinda liked the sound of that. A quick renewal and I wasn't nearly as cool anymore."

With documentation like that, I had to concede, If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. 

 I mean, I want to sell my writing, don't I?

In an effort to be original, and in the interest of not stealing anyone's ad campaign, I pulled up the handy thesaurus on Google, and looked up ATTITUDE.

Five failed substitutions later, I was left with the conclusion that somehow "KAFE CASTRO, the short story with TEMPERAMENT" wasn't nearly as worthy sounding as:

"KAFE CASTRO, never short on ATTITUDE"...now I get it.




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Scantily dressed, and confined to a Danish dental chair, one American woman is forced to relive her sexy, drug hazed past and confront her uncertain future in the first of CF Winn's COFFEE BREAK SERIES, KAFE CASTRO. Her unique imagination is enhanced by sweet air and an inability to spit. She drags the reader through her bizarre situation as she struggles to free herself and go home.

As you stumble along, you will be confronted by some serious questions. Is there a conspiracy to keep this young lady from being who she is truly meant to be? Is Fidel Castro alive and well and walking the streets of Copenhagen? And who exactly is the crazy topless woman?

Kafe Castro keeps the reader in stitches with its wit, humor, and the nagging sense that this could happen to you. Or has it already? If you’ve ever woken up naked in Pervy Robe Guy's backyard…




CF Winn is the award-winning author of The COFFEE BREAK SERIES, a quirky group of short stories meant to be read while on break or in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. Her first novella, SUKI, has been grabbing hearts and hugging souls all over the United States. 

You can now order SUKI in paperback at http://hopress-shorehousebooks.com/cf-winn/  or at BOOK REVUE, one of the nation’s largest independent bookstores, by email at info@bookrevue.com Learn more about SUKI at BOOK REVUE.  

Her blogs have been syndicated on multiple sites including The Masquerade Crew. More posts like these can be found at Humor Outcasts and The Patch where she is a regular contributor.  

1 comment:

Angela Scott said...

Attitude is awesome. I love a person with a snarky attitude who won't put up with other peoples crap.

Mango lip butter with attitude sounds delicious. I don't think the lip butter actually has attitude, but I bet it sure would help give you one :)