August, May and June

"That's weird. Your date has changed."

I didn't know what he was talking about.

"What?" I asked.

Dr T blew me off. He pressed buttons while staring intently at the screen.

"Hold on, hold on...let me see.." he trailed off into silence.

I lay back and closed my eyes. My nights had been broken up by frequent trips to the bathroom, and now, sleep came easily.

The dream materialized quickly, and I recognized it as a memory:
On Tuesday nights we took alone time. Dwayne would go bowling with the guys, and I'd hang out with the girls, dancing at clubs. But on this particular night in August, the rain tapped at the window gently, hypnotizing us into forgetting our plans and focusing on each other. I watched him, bent over in the closet, searching for his bowling ball, until he felt me waiting. Words were secondary as our chemistry charged the air, summoning him to hug me. Sweet pecks and gentle touches turned serious, and before we knew it, we were tangled up on the bed, looking into each others' eyes.

"Do you want to try?"
"Yes. Do you?"
"Yes."


When I told him that I was pregnant, he was overjoyed. We saved, we planned, we moved into a new home.

My eyes flew open and my dream was shattered when the cold speculum touched my skin.

"Scooch down a little", Dr. T insisted.

My stomach fluttered faintly. I knew I had to ask.

 "Dr T? What do you mean by 'the date has changed?'"

"Your due date. It changed from May to June. That's strange."

He spoke in choppy, distracted sentences that intimidated me. I stared at the screen instead of talking. This was supposed to be a sonogram, but it was still so early in the pregnancy that it couldn't be done on my belly, so Dr. T used a wand inside of me. I could see my baby nestled peacefully in my stomach. My heart swelled for just a second before I cried out in pain.

"Ow!", I called out, "That wand thing hurts! Can you do it more gently?"

"I'm sorry", Dr T said, "I don't mean to hurt you. I'm just trying to get the baby to move." He pushed it again. "See? It should be squirming all over when I wiggle the wand up and down, but it doesn't. And the heartbeat should be right here, but there's nothing."

He pointed at a large black spot in the middle of my baby. It sat motionless, empty, blocking me from connecting with my child. I looked away before the void could swallow me up.

"No", I argued. The wand was still in me, but I ignored the sharps stabs that radiated through my thighs when I sat up and jabbed a finger at the screen. "Look! It's moving! Right there!"

His face softened and he finally took it out, placing it quietly on the metal tray next to us. My arms were folded on top of my belly, both defiantly and protectively.

"Honey, I am so sorry, but the arm is very flaccid. What you're seeing is involuntary movement in the fluid. I'm afraid the baby has died. That's why your due date has changed."

He put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it, but I shook it off and turned away from him.

FLACCID

I've never been able to stomach that word ever since.

CF Winn is the award-winning author of The COFFEE BREAK SERIES, a quirky group of short stories meant to be read while on break or in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. Her first novella, SUKI, has been grabbing hearts and hugging souls all over the United States. 

You can now order SUKI in paperback at http://hopress-shorehousebooks.com/cf-winn/  or at BOOK REVUE, one of the nation’s largest independent bookstores, by email at info@bookrevue.com . Learn more about SUKI at http://bookrevue.com/localauthors.html.  

Her blogs have been syndicated on multiple sites including The Masquerade Crew. More humorous posts can be found at Humor Outcasts and The Patch where she is a regular contributor.  

September thru January

I stepped out of the shower one day in November and there it was. Scrawled across the mirror, steam was beginning to fill in the "O" in YOU, but it was readable, and it made me gasp.

"WILL YOU MARRY ME?"

It had been two months.

Was it the sappy movies we had just been watching?? I could still feel his arms wrapped around me as we lounged on the couch sharing kisses and a bottle of Pinot Grigio...oh my God! Was this a drunken proposal??

We could've ended this in September. We'd had some type of disagreement under the street lamp in front of his house. As I got in the car to drive away, he started yelling about deja vu. Deja vu? I was about to walk out of his life and he was talking craziness??

Something kept me there. I don't know what it was, but something about the urgency in his voice as he talked about destiny stopped me in my tracks. It was a cool night, so we got into the car, and drove to the stop sign and parked. We got into it...our beliefs, our spirituality, all of it. Our intensity fogged up the windows, (I'm sure the neighbors thought we were teenagers tangled up across the seats)and as we talked, we realized that we were supposed to be together.

We moved far too quickly. If I had been under my parents roof, they wouldn't have approved, but I was a grown woman with three children. I thought about the kids, but only insofar as this guy seemed to treat them as if they were his own. It was October when he moved in, and it was easy.

Would we have issues if we lived on top of each other without really knowing the other? I figured we would eventually, but for now, it was easy.
Would we have fights over stupid things? Of course. But for now it was easy.

He was cute and attentive, and promised me he'd help so I wouldn't have to do it alone anymore...and he kept his word.

But now there was a proposal on the table.

It would be so easy to wipe the moisture off of the mirror and pretend it wasn't there. He'd be embarrassed that he had to bring it up and would drop the subject entirely.

I reached over to the glass. I was shaking. This could change all of the easiness between us. I needed to be sure.

Hastily, I wrote "YES" under his question.

ENGAGEMENT ANNOUNCED: December 25, 2009 in front of family

MARRIED: January 19, 2010 in front of the Justice of the Peace and our kids

Ring inscription: BALANCED-GUIDED-DESTINED

EGOTIATION

I have been searching for winter wear for my kids for weeks now. Although we'll be soggy when we're tubing, and dirty when we shovel muddy piles of the white stuff from the driveway, fashion is still a high priority when choosing just the right gear.

I call it "Egostylin'"; the idea that money is no object (since these kids aren't laying it out)and that the world is depending on them to look a certain way whether or not we can see those pink snow pants in twenty-one inches of snow.

My son has almost everything, but we're stuck on boots. We've run into some issues when it comes to his footwear: Not only do they need to be "ego-right", but they've got to be sturdy, very, very waterproof, and not cost as much as an iPod,which is a problem because he's wearing a men's size.

I was sent to Kohl's by the "ego-midgets" to look for, among other things, black moccasins. Seizing the opportunity, Max came with me, and I told him to find boots while I searched the rest of the shoe department. A few minutes later, he caught me looking for Mary Jane platforms instead of the moccasins,(Hey! If you live with it long enough, there's bound to be some "ego-leak"!). Luckily he was on a crazy "ego-high" and didn't notice that I looked like a scoliosis patient in dire need of a brace. (I was only wearing one heel and was tipped precariously to the left)

He excitedly announced that he had the perfect "solution" to the winter boot problem...TOE SHOES!

I stared.

And so he began "egotiating". He said, "What Mom? They're more waterproof than any boots, they're cheaper, and I'll even give up my cell phone if that's what it takes..."

I knew that it was a ridiculous idea. One stride into a snowdrift and his ankle would be painfully cold. His feet looked webbed and frog-like as he wiggled his toes and smiled at me. They wear mittens instead of gloves in the cold because separating the digits makes your hands freeze more. The same had to be true of the toes.

But at that moment I was proud. My little boy was growing up. Despite the fact that Toe Shoes are man's ode to stupid ideas, my son had let go, and was prepared to give up an "ego-device" for the greater good.

I had clearly done a good job with him, but suddenly another feeling crept in. What about my reputation? I had to wonder, would his friends still think I was the cool parent if I agreed to let him give up his phone?

Uh oh...is there such a thing as "ego-transference?"


 CF Winn is the award-winning author of The COFFEE BREAK SERIES, a hilarious group of short stories meant to be read while on break or in the waiting room of the doctor's office. Her first novella, SUKI, has been grabbing hearts and hugging souls all over the United States.

You Should ALWAYS Take The Guy Out Of The Cheerleader Shorts

Dear Smelly Cheerleader Shorts Guy,

While I'm sure I speak for the masses when I say thank you for buying deodorant and thinking of others, I also have to tell you that cheerleader shorts are made for someone younger and of a different gender. It is NOT ok to squeeze your bulky body and hairy tattoos into them and then bend down in the health and beauty aisle to get the Right Guard from the bottom shelf.
And BTW, the 80's called. They want their fanny pack back...yes, it's still a fanny pack even if you're holding it in your freshly manicured hand.

Signed,
Bleeding from My Eyes and Nose


 CF Winn is the award-winning author of The COFFEE BREAK SERIES, a hilarious group of short stories meant to be read while on break or in the waiting room of the doctor's office. Her first novella, SUKI, has been grabbing hearts and hugging souls all over the United States.

You can now order SUKI in paperback at BOOK REVUE, one of the nation’s largest independent bookstores, by email at info@bookrevue.com or by calling (631) 271-1442.
Learn more about SUKI at BOOK REVUE http://www.bookrevue.com/localauthors.html