Monday, November 17, 2014


"Your shirt is so ratchet Fatty."
"I can't believe you just said that to me Ugly."     
"Sorry, not sorry."

My girls.

They're so close that they go on dates whenever the older one is home on a break from college and they text or call each other at least once a day while they're apart. Of course I take full credit for how awesome they are, but I have to confess that I had help from two little words: I'm sorry.

I have always been a big believer in saying what you mean.

I'm not good at small talk, hate playing mind games, and am currently creating a strongly worded petition to have cliches banned from the English language.

So when my kids were little and they'd fight or be inconsiderate, I wouldn't break it up and smooth it out with the usual standby I hear so many parents forcing on their children - "Now say you're sorry..."

Instead, I'd talk to them about how their behavior makes their siblings feel:

"Max, when you bite your sister it hurts."
Max smiles.
"Do you understand?"                                                    
Max nods.
"Are you going to do it again?"
Max shakes his head and holds out his hand to me, palm up. I give him mine.
He bites me.
"Ow Max! No!"
Max giggles.
I take my son's hand and put it up to my mouth. He doesn't flinch. I bite down hard enough for him to feel it, but not enough to break skin or leave marks.
"Ow!" He pulls his hand away and cries. I hug him and pat his back.
"I'm sorry I hurt you Max, but that's how Ali feels when you do it to her. Are you sorry you hurt her?"
"Ayi! I sorry!" Three year old Max runs to her and hugs her, patting her back.

When it comes to the words I love you or I'm sorry in my house, there is one rule:
Say it often, but don't say it unless you mean it.

When the Cake Boss was arrested for drunk driving in NYC, I noticed that sorrys were not necessary, expected, or offered. After weaving in and out of traffic, he was stopped by cops who smelled alcohol and immediately removed him from the driver's seat. He flunked multiple sobriety tests and as he was being arrested, he didn't fess up and apologize. Instead he said, "You can't arrest me. I'm the Cake Boss."

His fans were interviewed the next day, as they left Carlo's Bake Shop carrying sweet treats and delish looking gear. They were happy to express their support:

"He made a mistake. Everybody makes mistakes...and he happens to make a great cupcake." If he had bobbed instead of weaving and he had hit you, I'm thinking that it would take more than a cupcake to right that situation. Maybe a tiramisu cake?

"That's his life. It doesn't affect me." Unless it was you or one of your kids he hit or nearly missed...and BT dubs, you've got a big glob of custard on your cheek. Hope they let him make and distribute those cream puffs in prison. I'd hate for your life to be affected by his actions.

"He's a good kid. There's got to be some pressure." I get it. He's got responsibilities. He's so successful that after almost running down an old lady and several small kittens, the masses still come to his stores demanding things like biscotti and lobster tail tray. I'm not sure I could get away with that if it was me and I said, "But officer, I'm a single mom with four jobs and three kids. Of course I drink and drive! Without the vodka,how else could I numb the pain as my entire life becomes going place to place and getting it all done?"

So I'm not mad.

Even though he hasn't apologized to his fans - especially the young ones who watch his show and may dream of becoming a baking phenom in the future - if he doesn't mean it, he shouldn't offer it up.

Instead he left us with this statement: "To all of my family, friends, fans, and supporters, please know that I want to share and explain to you what happened today and I look forward to doing so at a later date." And to all of you hater bitches who think that there should be harsh consequences for driving around a hunk of metal (that weighs about three thousand pounds) as if the wheels were over-glazed - NO CANNOLI FOR YOU!

Photo Credits: Bitches Love Cake - Google Images
                        Sorry Not Sorry Meme - Google Images

CF Winn is the award-winning author of The COFFEE BREAK SERIES, a quirky group of short stories meant to be read while on break or in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. Her first novella, SUKI, has been grabbing hearts and hugging souls all over the United States. 

You can now order SUKI in paperback at

CF Winn is the founder of Winning! Publications.

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Keisha | The Girl Next Door is Black said...

There are several people in the public eye that I think could use this advice. Too many empty "sorries" going around.

CF Winn said...

I know, right? I'm so happy that I'm not the only one who feels this way. And btw, his new place opened up in NY right on schedule. If that was me, my goals would've been pushed back 5 to 10...
Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.